How can one begin to describe the emotional, the mental, and even physical transformations the mind, body goes thought after one has spent long periods of their lives locked in cells, behind concrete walls, or iron bar’s? We all deal with incarceration differently, many fall victim to the conditions, becoming involved in the everyday activities: the same sex intangling’s, the drugs, gambling, or gangs. My story is no different than any of the millions of individuals worldwide that are presently fighting to survive in the joint or like myself-fighting to reenter a society that continued to move forward as I remained in a state of limbo. Only through a supreme conviction, a sense of responsibility to those that loved me, and who continued to support me did I have will to remain focused throughout the years. My dear friend K.C. asked me to take some time and compose my impressions after so many years inside (prison). If my word’s can help in any form then it’s only a testament to the great compassion, and awesome dedication that my friend K.C. displays with his life-thank you my friend!
Okay, my re-entry into society will be a little different than many others, because I was given the opportunity to slowly ease my way back through work release. So the sensation’s, and all the information was gradual instead of over taxing. Even that couldn’t prepare me for the massive amount of input that came from every direction. The many temptations that I thought gone began to resurface, the old emotion’s screamed for attention. Only then did I realize that our experiences never leave us, nothing we have experienced in life ‘ever’ does, they remain fiber’s of our makeup, destined to step as we step, regardless of the circumstances. Only through our own inner strength can we begin to transform our lives into something meaningful and constructive. My first night was one of total fear. Even with the comfort of a love one. I still expected to hear a cell door ring close. Metal thundering into metal, or a night light flashing into my face, even the distant conversations of con’s relating their adventure’s from another life time in the far corner’s. At one point the mental hold of incarceration frightened me so that I lost interest in sleep, and found escape in a movie until my system closed down from total exhaustion. Personally I believe one need’s direction., drive, and purpose in order to be strong enough to withstand such an assault on our mind’s. The following days and nights became easier to live within, slowly the business of surviving in society becomes that main focus, and the ghost’s of incarceration begins to lose their powerful grip on our existence. Yet, know without a strong, very strong determination to be a productive member of the outside world, without that powerful decision to be ‘free’, to be ‘real’ to the changes we implemented behind the walls or iron bar’s-then our destiny is to retrace the step’s that lead us to our darkest time’s. Many of use never to be given a ‘next’ time!
My best wishes to those that sincerely strive to be happy in this life and to those that aren’t strong enough to resist the ‘ghost’ of their past- I wish you a moment of silence.